Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
