Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
why is half of my head shaved?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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