My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
