She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
