Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
