so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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