you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
