I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
