Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
