I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
