So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
