I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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