last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
