Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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