You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
