I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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