Pants 0. Shit 1.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
