We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
