erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
