Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
