Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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