if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dicks are not precious.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
