we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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