I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this boner is exhausting
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
