So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
