i think my tv is drunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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