im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
