she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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