it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
