Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Drunk is not a location!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
