I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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