Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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