Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
