Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
