Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want nice things and good sex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
