I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
