You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
