I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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