Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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