I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
