She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
