doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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