I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
