Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
