I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
