There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
