Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
