benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
