One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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