p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
