I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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